Spergy kids are not great fans of change. They like routine, love familiarity and flourish when things are done just the way they like them to be. When things stay the same it’s like knowing a hug from mom waits for you every day you walk in the door from school –rain, hail or shine. They feel safe and secure. Who wouldn’t?
But the harsh reality is that life moves at such a rapid pace and as such there will be times when you have to adapt and getting your kid out the door without destroying their own peace of mind is the biggest challenge of the week.
As a single mom of a boy with Aspergers, I have had to do this multiple times and I have one simple solution that may not work all the time but has certainly helped us through many unexpected moments where he just has to come with me.
The Bag. The Bag has gone through many incarnations but the principle behind it always stays the same. In the bag there are a number of familiar objects that make him feel “safe”. From his favorite clothes, toys he loves, drawing book, pencils, camera…..anything that currently holds his interest that he can lose himself in when surrounded by too many new people/noises/sounds/smells etc.
It’s always the same bag and it hangs in the same place ready for when we need it. It is pre packed with a few things (including a portable dvd player and favorite dvds) then filled with what I know will work to entertain him. Then, a quick trip to the kitchen for his snacks (avoiding the having to find the right food at the wrong time/place scenario) and you have already established a familiarity that will go a long way to getting you there and back without any hint of a meltdown.
Then when you get through the event, you focus on the good, praising them for possibly even trying new things but never pressuring them to do so. Point out how he or she might have thought they were going to stay home today but how well they managed when plans changed and be sure to point out anything and everything they enjoyed about it.
Remind them that change happens a lot but that it doesn’t need to be scary or bad and that they never know when something really amazing might happen.
Giving our kids the tools to cope with change will go a long way, particularly through the teenage years when life moves at a rapid and uncontrollable pace.
